Posted 1 month ago
Hypethetically speaking….
Born this Way
…..Lady Gaga’s private tour jet experiences mechanical problems and crashes on a small island in the South Pacific Ocean. Meanwhile, Stephanie Germinotta, not wanting to endure 24 hours with a plane full of queens, flies to Australia in her own private jet, greeted by an angry mob, incensed by her callousness and bitter that her tour is cancelled, no dancers, no costumes, forget it! (Gaga becomes a cloistered nun and vows never to sing again.) Meanwhile, a couple of handsome dancers feverishly pull survivors from the plane, including the seamstress Juanita, eight months pregnant, who goes into labor and gives birth to a boy before she dies. The dancers raise little Ramundo as their own and he grows up hoping that some day, he too will live in an impeccably decorated hut with his handsome lover, yet there is no one his age on the island. “Born this Way” becomes the national anthem and they burn Gaga in effigy every year on Madonna’s birthday.
Twenty years later, Lady Gaga now in her forties digs up the gold she buried in her parents’ backyard and hires a search team to find her missing dancers. She takes a young nun named Maria with her and when they touch down on the tiny island Gaga is immediately thrown into prison. Ramundo takes one look at Maria and sexual feelings begin to stir within him for the very first time. Maria takes one look at Ramundo and knows the Convent is no longer the place for her. Ramundo and Maria make love under the stars and the next day filled with bravery, Ramundo expresses his love openly to his community. They institute the “Defense of Gay Marriage Act” so Ramundo starts his own “Straight Parade” (they laugh at the sight of him, parading around the island in his Dockers and polo shirt.) Meanwhile, Gaga, feeling responsible for this mess swears off her life of service and hires her dancers back for a comeback Halftime Super Bowl Show. Maria and Ramundo remain on the island and become rich and famous from their Club Med vacation business.
The end.